As an only child who grew up out in the country, I only had a handful of friends while growing up. We didn’t have any neighbors with kids my age. Our neighbor across the street had a granddaughter who would come visit every now and then but for the most part it was me and my imaginary friends. My poor Nannie often got roped into playing games with me or pretending to be Scooby Doo. I’d ride my bike around our lawn looking for clues to a mystery and she’d be right behind me. She was truly my first friend. Nannie made me read the Bible to her everyday and I’d beg her to let me read something else that wasn’t so hard for me to understand. Let’s be honest…the King James Version of the Bible is not the easiest thing to read, especially not for a rambunctious child like me. I’m grateful for those days because they grounded me, even in words I may not have been able to understand at the time. You couldn’t ask for a better friend than one who fed your faith and didn’t kill you when you put the cat in the oven while the steaks were marinating in there. Relax, the oven was off. The cat was fine but the steaks not so much.
When I got to school, I made friends pretty easily and even had my own little secret club. All four or five of us girls has these pretty little metal tins that we’d use to collect the eraser shavings. Once someone’s tin got full, we would take turns pouring it over our heads. I don’t know where in the world we got that idea but all I remember is how much we laughed. We laughed until some of us peed our pants and by some I mean me. As I got older, I made new friends and started to find out that being an old soul was a rare thing. While some of my friends listened to New Kids on the Block, my best friend and I listened to The Beatles. We fought over who was going to be Paul’s girlfriend and sang our own versions of their songs. We made up a talk show called the Bucky Beaver show and tape recorded it on my boom box. She and I were like the oldest young kids anyone could have ever known. But, boy did we have fun. Well except for that one time I spent the night with her at her house in the city and she decided we needed to do the Tour de France in her neighborhood. Not really but I’d never bicycled so far in all my life. I thought I’d became an asthmatic after that day.
When I turned 12, I was so excited to finally be able to join the youth group at church. I became best friends with one of the girls I’d known all my life through church. She was (and is) my ride or die. She and I spent so much time together, we were more like sisters than friends. Anyone who knew us knew that if you messed with one of us, you messed with both of us. We were always doing something related to the church as teenagers. Whether it was going to clown college or a beach retreat where she innocently described the devil as a “little horny dude,” we were always together. She and I also played tennis together on the school team. I don’t know if you can call what I did playing tennis. It was more like standing on the court and swinging a tennis racket like I was swatting a swarm of killer bees. She was always there to encourage me, whether it was in my faith or my pitiful tennis attempt. She was the friend you could call in the middle of the night to come rescue you or the friend who gave you a hard time because your driving always supposedly gave her whiplash.
As I grew into adulthood, making friends became harder. It wasn’t because of anything other than adult lives get filled with so many responsibilities, friendships are usually a luxury. When the kids came along, friendships took a backseat to being a parent. Thank goodness for the friends who are like cactuses and don’t need a lot of nurturing to still maintain a good friendship. I’ve had many friends as I’ve gotten older and I’ve learned a lot about what it means to have (and be) a true friend. My circle is really small these days. I value the quality of my friends versus the quantity. Growing up I wanted as many friends as I could get, not yet realizing that people can be fickle. I trust my little tiny circle like they are my family. I have my friend from church who is my self appointed sister. I have my friend who came into my life at a time we didn’t know how much we’d need each other. She teaches me to be a better, kinder, and gentler person. She prays with me and for me. I have my friend who gives me the best advice. He often thinks I don’t listen because it sometimes isn’t what I want to hear. But, I hear it and I value it more than he could ever know.
If you can do one thing in this world for yourself, be very selective in who you surround yourself with. When we are young, sometimes our reasons for making friends are very superficial. But if you want to stay grounded, find yourself people who have your back no matter what. Seek out people who may not have the same background as you or the same skin color as you. Don’t be afraid to open your mind to building your circle of friends with people who may hurt your feelings every now and then. Find friends who don’t try to dictate what you should think or how you should feel. Instead, find friends who challenge you to find yourself and to be the best version of yourself. Hold dear to the friends who aren’t afraid to say the blessing in public before you eat and pray for your mama every single time. Appreciate the differences you have with each other and know that iron does indeed sharpen iron. When you go through the trials of this life, you will see who stands the test of time not on the sidelines of your misery, but standing right there with you. Those are the people you hold onto and protect them at all costs. They are more valuable than riches or gold. Good friends are hard to find. May you have one, but more importantly, may you be one.
Messpot Diaries 