I have not felt the best over the last two days. It’s not the ‘vid. It’s apparently a sinus infection and it has really kicked my butt. Yesterday, I was congested and felt like I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Then, my face and forehead started burning like it was on fire. I haven’t felt much like eating but this morning I knew I had to eat something so that I wouldn’t be sick to my stomach. I was rather proud of myself. I made a ham and cheese quesadilla and it looked like the perfect breakfast. I knew I couldn’t eat the whole thing so I cut it in half to save some for later. I put the half I was going to eat in a paper towel rather than messing up a plate. The intent was not to eat the paper towel.
But guess who took a big bite of quesadilla with a side of paper towel? And guess who didn’t immediately realize that there was a piece of paper towel in their mouth? If you guessed me, you’re right. I was chewing the quesadilla, happy at all of the extra cheese I put in there. Cheese had to be the cure for the sinus issue, I thought. Then I tasted something that was clearly not a tortilla, ham, or cheese. And I looked down at the paper towel to see about a dime sized chunk missing. I was able to retrieve most of the paper towel while thinking that if times get real hard, Costco brand paper towels might make a fairly decent quesadilla.
Sometimes life can be a lot like eating that paper towel. We are chewing the good stuff and somehow something not so good has found its way in. It’s a surprise when it first happens and it take a minute to figure out what’s going on. Then when you figure it out — you have a choice — do you take the paper towel out or do you just keep chewing? Most of the time when the not so good stuff finds its way into our lives, we usually try to get rid of it. But then there are some times when we keep chewing, thinking that the more we chew it, the less you’ll be able to notice it. You can’t make a paper towel become a tortilla by chewing it more and you can’t make a problem in your life disappear by pretending its not.
I stopped chewing in more ways than one this week. I’ve been procrastinating with something in my life that I needed to do. I’ve just had my head in the sand about what I needed to do, hoping that if I ignored it a miracle would occur. Well, the paper towel didn’t turn into a tortilla. The issue didn’t resolve itself and no amount of procrastinating was going to make it any better. And, like the paper towel, things can’t get better until you get it out, or get it over with in my case. I can’t be ready to taste the really good if I’m still chewing on something that wasn’t meant for me in the first place.
But real life is much harder than a paper towel in my mouth. I know in my heart of hearts that I did the right thing for me, painful as it was. Painful as it still is and is going to be for a long, long time. But I just couldn’t keep ignoring the issue. In all transparency, I’ve been going through a really rough time in my life for many months. The hurt has caused me to just go into survival mode. I honestly didn’t think I would care if I were chewing the paper towel or a briar as long as I didn’t have to deal with it. But that’s just put me on a perpetual track of walking in the same spot and expecting a different destination.
Now I can go forward and start really healing. The band-aid has been ripped off, the wound cleansed, and healing can truly start. I can find the strength that I know I have within me and I can stop wallowing in my sea of pity. It took me spitting out the paper towel and acknowledging it didn’t belong to be able to move forward. Breakfast may have started off with something that didn’t belong but supper ended with a juicy medium rare steak and a large cheesy baked potato. I had to get past what didn’t belong to get to the better. Life still has to show the better to me but I wait in anticipation, with my knife and fork ready.
Messpot Diaries 