A Break

Do you need a break? From what?

This was a writing prompt for today but it got me thinking. It’s easy to say I need a break from work or from paying bills. But I need a break from these dad blame emotions.

Some days I ride the emotional roller coaster like I must like it. But I don’t. Some days all I want is to love and be loved. I often think that maybe if I could feel like I am loved, maybe it would fix me.

Maybe a hug would help. Or, tacos. Tacos fix everything.

I’m so flippin’ sensitive, though. Put that together with these awesome overthinking skills and Lord have mercy!! I bumped into someone at work today and I have thought about it all day. Did I say I was sorry clearly enough? Did it look like I did it on purpose? What if they think I was not remorseful enough. Good grief. They probably didn’t give it a second thought but I did. But, wait! There’s more!

Not only am I a chronic over thinker, imagine having tabs open in your brain like a web browser. Ok, now imagine about 90 of them suckers open and each playing some kind of pop up video with obnoxious sound trying to drown all the others out. That’s right, welcome to my brain. On some of those tabs, I am insanely happy and jovial. A few have me in mullygrub land. Some have me feeling anger and frustration like I’m a tea kettle about to whistle. Now imagine each one of these tabs have rabbit holes that you can jump in and slide into the oblivion of thought. Yep, you guessed it…the “dark web” version of my brain that thinks of all the improbable yet seriously bizarre scenarios. Like what, you ask? Well, like if the noise outside by my heat pump is related to a faulty gas switch that will subsequently blow my house to smithereens. Or, if someone decides to shoot me in public on the asphalt, which will hurt worse the bullet or my fat ass falling to the ground?

Geez, Louise. Yes, I do need a break. I need to be centered as my yoga instructor would say. I’m off balance, feeling absolutely unloved and in dire need of a hug. And, maybe the tacos. Definitely a margarita. Absolutely need some time by the ocean or most any body of water other than my bath tub or a cess pool. Just be sure to bring the tacos.