Trust

I’m the kind of person that looks both ways on a one way street. I look both ways when my light turns green before pulling off at an intersection. It’s safe to say that trust is something that I lack in a big way.

It’s no wonder, then, that I have a hard time handing over the important stuff, and even the not so important stuff, to God. I am a control freak and I lack patience. I want things to work out according to my plan that I have worked out in my mind. But even in regular life, I have a hard time communicating this plan so sometimes projects get bungled because I think people can read my mind. While God knows the desires of my heart, He wants me to trust that He’s got my best interests at heart and is working on them in HIS time. Which is perfect. PERFECT. And, He wants me to tell Him all about what I want. Even though He already knows, He wants to hear it.

One thing is for sure…my ways are not perfect. I can make the best of plans but things can happen outside of my control to screw it all up. But what I catch myself doing most is saying that I’m trusting God but secretly holding onto it and trying to find ways to make my plan work. That is just downright conniving. Devilish, even. To think that I can out-God God? Who do I think I am?

Then, I have the nerve to ask God why He’s not moving on my behalf? Why, God, am I in the desert and you haven’t rescued me? Well, God is probably up in Heaven drumming his heavenly fingers, “Laura is at it again. Well, let her try. Go ahead. She’ll tire of this sooner or later.” And sitting at my desk at work, I had the grand epiphany. I am tired of it. I’m tired of trying to get my way on my terms.

My way isn’t working. No matter how much I want it to work or how much effort I put forth. I closed my eyes and I imagined my will like it was the shape of a small log. I imagined me handing it over to God and where I’ve been playing a game of tug of war, I finally let go. My focus hasn’t been on God so much as it has been my “where there is a will, there is a way” attitude. Granted, there are times we have to apply that principle but when it comes to letting God be God, we have to understand that it’s really “when it is God’s will, He will make a way.”

Whew. The impossible, when it’s God’s desire for me, will become possible. The kicker? God loves our attention. He wants us to seek Him and His will. We can’t get what He has in store for us until we push the noise of the world aside, our desires included, and focus on Him. I went back to my imagining me handing Him the log, filled with all my desires, my hopes, and my dreams. And I closed my eyes, similarly to how I learned about meditation in yoga. In meditation, we are taught to focus on one thing and maintain focus on that one thing. It’s hard. It’s really, really hard to shut out the thoughts, the doubts, the noise. But, it’s not impossible. It takes effort and a true commitment to focus.

It’s really no different with putting our desires into God’s hands and focusing on Him. God will speak to your heart if you’re poised for listening. Read that again…poised for listening. Go somewhere quiet. Play soft music if that will help you. Close your eyes and envision yourself handing that log of important stuff (and even the not so important stuff) into God’s hand. What does your heart hear? Is it silence? Sometimes that’s what we hear. But that’s where the trust part comes in. It’s like putting that blindfold before crossing the street and trusting that God will guide you through. That is a BIG ask. But it’s a BIG deliver when it’s from God. No, we couldn’t cross that road on our own. But with God’s hand gently on our arm, guiding our path, we can do it.

Doubt makes us think that it’s impossible but doubt is a human thing. Doubt is not in God’s vocabulary and it shouldn’t be in mine. If I know, from past experience, that God will deliver then why in the world would I doubt? No, I don’t know when it will happen or how it will happen but it will happen. God’s plan, that is. And, it’s better than anything I could imagine for myself. Trusting isn’t easy and it takes a lot of focus to do it. But it’s a practice. The more I do it, the better I will be at it. And the better God will deliver.