Worthy

This blog post is for every person, man or woman, who has ever doubted their worth. Most of us have doubted that we are good enough at one point or another in our lives. At some point, we’ve expressed this feeling and have been met with supportive responses like “how could you ever doubt your worth” or “you don’t need to let anyone make you feel that way.” It’s like they think there’s a switch somewhere or a dial we can just move so that the feeling doesn’t linger too long. Or, sometimes we pour out our heart only to be met with silence. Perhaps that friend just doesn’t know what to say or perhaps the heartfelt truth is that we’ve spoken their truth as well. But whatever the response, it just never seems to be the right one.

It’s hard to step outside of ourselves and view us like others do. We either view ourselves with an inflated view or a distorted view. It never seems to match the exact reality. And that leaves us searching. Where is my worth? Do I matter? Who even cares?

The answer really can’t be found in anyone other than ourselves. So no matter how long you have to stand in front of that mirror, staring back at yourself, you have to dig deep and find it. The world can tell us lies and truths but what they think or how they feel doesn’t really matter. If, when we look at that mirror, we just aren’t sure where the worth is, we have to keep looking.

There was a cross, on a hill that saw worth no other human could see. The cross not only saw worth but it also saw the brokenness that was there. And He died anyway. If, even amongst the ruins, Jesus could see the worth, then so should we. It’s there, even in the fragile chaos. It’s there, even in the darkest moments. It’s there, even when there seems to be no hope. It’s there.

Searching for my own worth, I know the truth that has been taught to me. I know what the Bible says. I know what my mama says. I know what my friends say. Yet, still I doubt. It’s hard being human with human eyes that see all the flaws. It’s even harder to imagine that someone can embrace the beauty with the flaws. Perhaps it’s hardest for me to embrace the beauty with the flaws.

We judge by worldly standards. We judge by wallet size, by waist size, by the size of one’s circle of friends. And we don’t just limit this to others as sometimes we are our own harshest judge. Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s cliche but it’s truth. This judgment we place on ourselves chips away at our worth until we are left standing in front of a mirror, pinching our fat rolls asking ourselves how did we let ourselves get this bad? Or perhaps we are looking at the failures in our lives and wondering how could we screw it up so badly? How will we persevere through the battlefield of our own design?

The cross was not for naught. Jesus didn’t wear a crown of thorns so that I could spend my life questioning my worth. The blood of the Lord didn’t run like a river so that I could wallow in the prison of my own self doubt. No. He died so that I could live more abundantly.

Merriam-Webster lists “ample” as a synonym for abundantly and is defined as “a generous sufficiency to satisfy a particular requirement.” How interesting is it, then, that God says his grace is sufficient? The grace that was given was sufficient so that we could live abundantly. Make no mistake, it’s the circle of life we should be living instead of this cycle of self deprecation.

The next time you find yourself doubting your worth, it’s ok. Don’t punish yourself for wondering if you’re worth anything. The world has enough pressures. But look at that mirror and seek the courage to see the truth, the worth, staring right back at you.