My grandmother was influential in my faith from as far back as I can remember. As soon as I learned to read, she would have me read Bible verses to her. The old King James Version didn’t make much sense to me then. I didn’t clearly understand the words in red much less why they were in red. But one thing I could understand was when she’d take her spiny pointer finger and swirl it around in the air. She’d then say, with a sometimes shaking voice, “This is the day the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.”
She was a sick little lady. She spent more time in the hospital while I was growing up than I can count. Many of those visits, I would be roaming the halls of the hospital. I would see all kinds of patients—young ones and old ones. Some would seem sicker than Nannie and some would seem quite well. I often wondered if they woke up with words of thankfulness and praise. It sure seemed so easy for Nannie to do it. Yet she had every reason in the world to bemoan her lot in life. Her heart wouldn’t work right, she passed out often, her social security check was tiny, and her medication bills were huge.
But she had the one thing that made it easier to bear. She had love. She had the love of her family, the love of her friends, the love of her church, and she had her love for a God she had never seen. The many trials she faced were made easier by this love. When she was weak, others would step in to help. My Aunt Patsy and Uncle Al would rush over in the middle of the night to scoop me up from my bed so I wouldn’t see the ambulance. They would take me to school and I was none the wiser of the events of the night. Our sweet neighbor, Audrey, would come and keep an eye on Nannie so that mama and daddy could go to work without worry. My cousin, Beverly, would visit on Nannie’s birthday every year just to make her feel special. After all, Beverly lived all the way in Milledgeville which to a child sounded like a million miles away. My Aunt Dana and Aunt Gladys, Nannie’s only living sisters, would come and stay with us weeks at a time because they knew she couldn’t travel much. And, still she rejoiced. Every day, in every season.
We are taught that we should be thankful no matter our circumstances. But thankfulness and worry don’t have to be exclusive of one another. We can still worry yet abound with thankfulness. Nannie may have never voiced her worry much but it wasn’t absent. Her gratitude wasn’t weakened because she may have worried. She went through plenty of seasons that didn’t make sense. In those times, she praised Him in the storm. Her praise may have been a little quieter and her worries a little louder, but her gratitude was still there.
There are days I spend more time complaining and less time looking at things from a more thankful perspective. I spend even more time chastising myself for not being more grateful, more perfect. Life is tough enough without finding fault in how we feel. Feelings are our reality. We just can’t stay there forever.
Yes, I am worried about what next week’s surgery will bring but I am infinitely more grateful that there is technology to have even caught something dangerous. I don’t have a crystal ball for my future and sometimes I really wish I did. I want to know how the story goes for me. But it doesn’t negate the thankfulness that I have in my heart for just how good God has been to me. I know the architect of my past and my future. Regardless of my worry or my doubt, my praise is there. It may be quiet or shaking or barely even audible. But, it’s there.
In this season of thanksgiving, it’s easy to speak the words of gratitude. Many people speak words of thanksgiving and look towards the less fortunate to feel better about their lot in life. The words may fall off our tongues mindlessly. Perhaps they’re filled with genuineness or perhaps they’re just an expression of a robotic cantor.
But the good news is this…no matter what season we are in or how quiet, or even absent, our thanksgiving may be, God is still good. Remember what I said about love carrying Nannie through the tough times? Love can carry you, too. It may not be the same or as much as what Nannie experienced. It may be something as simple a kind smile or a friendly word. The reasons to be thankful can come as tough love in jolts to wake us up. We may see a friend suffering and even in their heartache, we find our reason to be thankful. This is love from a different perspective. We are given grace so that we may see the love that we have to offer another in suffering.
Today you may be struggling. You may see the glass half empty. You may feel nothing but dark clouds above your head. You may not be able to find a single thing to be thankful for as you’re clouded by the misery. And that’s ok. Yep, it’s ok. But only for a moment. Wherever you are in your struggle, feel the worry, feel the hurt. Then let it go. Don’t let it control your praise. For praise shouldn’t be dependent on the good times. And for goodness sake, don’t beat yourself up when you lack thanksgiving. Each day is a new day. You can choose to rejoice in it, in any season.
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