I planned to make my famous cheese straws for some thoughtful Christmas gifts. I bought my ingredients yesterday and even set the cheese out earlier today to soften. I shredded my cheese with the grater attachment to my Kitchen-aid mixer. This is the attachment I just had to have but have used maybe twice in a year. I had my bowls set out for my cheese and one for my flour mixture. I read and re-read my recipe. I was doubling it so I wanted to be extra careful. I pulled my electric cookie press down from the shelf and got ready to stuff it with dough. I mixed the flour with just the right amount of cayenne pepper. I tasted the dough to be sure it was good. Everything was going according to my plan, until it wasn’t.
When I stuffed the dough into the press and pushed the button, it started pushing the dough down. Well, that was until it reached the star tip disc. Then it snapped out of place, like when the press is empty. It squeezed a dime size of my cheesy concoction out and just quit. The dough was a little stiff so I took it out and worked with it to get it to come together. I tried again. And again. And again. I tried until I wanted to throw the dough across the room. Keep in mind, I bought my press on eBay. It was new according the the seller’s description and when I got it, all of the packaging was unopened. But there was a reason the thing had made it’s way on eBay. I was not to be deterred.
I tried to add more butter to the dough to soften it up. I mixed it all up and worked it with my hands. But, the cookie press refused to cooperate. I pushed it out with a spoon and made a smaller ball that I worked until it was warm from the heat of my hands. I put it back in the cookie press and hit the button. It made its way down the tube and, you guessed it, stopped at the dough. I hastily made a plea to my Facebook friends to let me borrow a cookie press but no such luck. I’m most likely the only woman in my little town that uses a cookie press. My mama suggested slicing it into thin slices. The dough was pretty soft by this point. It wasn’t slicing very well so I rolled into small balls and tried to cross cross the tops with forks. I only made about six to test. They didn’t turn out well. The outside was done but the inside was almost raw. I begged friends to give me leads on anyone who would have a press I could borrow. I again turned up empty handed and disappointed.
I just wanted to make a nice little gift to show people they were on my mind. My good intentions just imploded. It didn’t matter how prepared I seemed to be. It didn’t matter how much I wanted to make those things. Even with the best of plans and the best of intentions, things can go ridiculously wrong. I had to decide what I would do. Did I throw the cheesy dough out and sulk? I absolutely wanted to do that. I wanted to scream and pout. I wanted to cry and throw the cookie press against my kitchen wall. But I had two pounds of cheese and almost a pound of butter invested in the dough. If I did any of that, it would be a complete waste. So I did what I could to calm my frustration—I rolled the dough into logs and stuck it in the fridge. Then I grabbed a bag of these white chocolate filled waffle cone cookies and sat down with my music. Thanks to Abby Christo and her song, Note to Self, for telling me to “let it be.” And that’s exactly what I did.
Instead of letting the thing that was out of my control make me lose my control, I took the bag of cookies with me to the living room where I opened it with my teeth. I cranked up the music and let it soothe my tired soul. Sometimes things don’t work out despite all the planning in the world. No amount of planning, hoping, praying, or wishing will make something work out if it’s not intended for you. Letting go of the vision we have for these things can come with so much angst. But not letting go is like holding on to that vine filled with thorns. It’s only hurting us. I’m the worlds worst when it comes to letting go of the things that aren’t working. My “where there is a will, there is a way” attitude does nothing but encourage me to keep trying even if it’s despite logic. We grow weary of this strategy and it’s not until we make peace with what’s not working that we will ever be able to move forward.
There’s a reason the dough wasn’t working for me tonight. Maybe my patience wasn’t there. Regardless of the reason, because sometimes we may never know the reason, giving up was necessary. I let go of my plans and I opened a package of cookies with my teeth. Truth is, that made me happier anyway.
Messpot Diaries 