Nobody wants to be kicked when they’re down. But I swear that’s when the universe puts on a pair of heavy boots and kicks. Hard. Sometimes it keeps on kicking like a rogue donkey. It’s in these tender moments when we are on the cusp of trudging forward or just giving up, that’s when we have to pull ourselves back together.
The brokenness will convince you that you’ve somehow signed a contract to always be broken. Being kicked shouldn’t come as a surprise. We signed up for this didn’t we? Giving up sounds mighty tempting when adversity is tenacious. But I think about an advertisement I saw online for custom jewelry made from broken porcelain.
If the broken tea cup had accepted its fate and turned back to dust in the ground, it would not know the beauty of becoming a unique piece of jewelry. If I were the broken tea cup, I’d have to ask myself “who can possibly use me again?” I might even scream when the jeweler broke my porcelain body even more to fit the setting. See where I’m going?
It may seem cliché but sometimes we have to be battered in our own brokenness to become something more beautiful, stronger, better. For me, I’ve spent the better part of the last two years whining and bemoaning my circumstance. I’ve let darkness suck me into a deep, dark hole where victims lie in a pit of despair. Every kick, every bite, every shove that the universe inflicted, I continued to shrink. I felt hopeless and aimless, like I could never be more than I was. I’d accepted my brokenness as a permanent affliction which would only get worse with time until I became so bitter, a snake wouldn’t care to bite me.
Sometimes there won’t be anyone there to pick up the pieces but you. People will exhaust of hearing about how your life sucks. Even if no one does, you should. And you should pull out that little bottle of Elmers glue and start putting the pieces back together again. Even while that damn donkey is stomping you right into the mud. If you don’t, who will?
But be warned, when you make up your mind to dig out of the trenches, the donkey is going to fight that much harder to keep you there. You have to allow yourself to be like clay, and allow yourself to be shaped by the challenges. Yes, they may feel like they’re going to break you into pieces. Nonetheless, your focus has to be on finding who or what you want to become. Then, you work like hell to make sure you get there.
For me, I’ve had to take the chains off myself. I’ve had to throw them back into the pit of despair and spit on them. No, this isn’t easy. Every time I think things are just about to turn that corner, I get served a piece of humble pie. But, I choke it down. Failure is not an option. Being less than who I am destined to be is not an option.
I’ve struggled to find where I really fit in. I have God-given talents that I’ve put on a shelf and said “maybe later.” I’ve made excuses over and over. I’ve been risk averse all because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to let the world see all this brokenness for fear that I will be labeled as damaged goods. So what? People will fight on the clearance aisle for some marked down, damaged goods. It stands to reason that even in the brokenness, someone sees value in me.
These days, I’m daring to dream. I’ve stepped out onto a limb with no safety net. This is quite unlike me. I usually need a cheer squad to back me up. This time, I have to work it out for myself. I have to turn myself into clay and be molded. And fight for who I want to be and what I want to accomplish. There is beauty in the battered brokenness. I just have to put on my boots, and kick like hell.
Messpot Diaries 