Have you ever reached a point in your life where you’re just searching for something to fill an emptiness you can’t cure? This was me. I had spent so much time grieving a failed relationship that I needed something else to do. Sitting at home feeling sorry for myself and/or going through routine mundane tasks was eating a hole in my core. My house is clean, my bills are paid, my garden (was) weeded. I didn’t need to go buy some meaningless crap or more outfits that I would despise once I got them home.
I started asking God to deliver me from the funk. I even thought about getting a part time job doing something completely new and different. But, selfishly, I didn’t want a schedule where someone else really depended on me to show up on time. Then, my friend shared her story with me about how she wanted to turn her farm into an event venue.
Logical people might hear the story and run in the opposite direction. I, however, am not logical. I’m a dreamer and a “where there is a will, there is a way” kind of girl. This seemed like the challenge I’d been asking God to send my way. The part of the challenge that I still don’t 100% know how it will work out is the fact we are working with a paper thin budget. Perhaps no budget would be a better description but that sounds scary and really illogical when I say it out loud.
But my friend needs me. And, if I can do anything with my God-given talents to help her, I’m in. I was looking for something outside of myself. I needed to change the mental radio station to something that brought more joy. You can’t continue doing the same negative self destructive things and expect a different result. I was beginning to think I was turning into a certain gray donkey with the pinned on tail and the “woe is me” mentality. Despite the little pink bow on said donkey, I didn’t want to resemble him in any fashion.
There are times when I’ve hit rock bottom in my life and I didn’t have a clue how I would climb out of the hole. A helping hand somehow always found it’s way to help me. I always swore that when I could do the same for someone, I would. This is my chance to do that.
When I tell people I’m helping with this project without an expectation of anything in return, they look at me funny. Some have even told me that I might be crazy. Do I hope that this is wildly successful and my friend will recognize my hard work? Of course, who wouldn’t? Am I going to be mad if this falls flat and there’s no rainbow? No, how can I be? I’m doing something to help someone who needs my help. My focus is on making this project a success so that my friend can climb out of the metaphorical hole. I can’t stand on the sidelines while my friend suffers, knowing that I can help her. She can’t write me a paycheck. All the money she has will be dedicated to getting this up and running. There are projects that will take a miracle to complete. But I believe in miracles.
This is a way to help her while also helping myself. Sometimes the best work we can do on ourselves is work for someone else. I want to see if I have what it takes to make the impossible possible. Like my friend, I can’t do this alone. I’ve put my pleas out there on my social media to ask for help. I’ve had a few nibbles but no concrete affirmative answers. It’s a big ask. Normally, a budding entrepreneur has the capital to fund the start up activities. But, what if we all pulled together to make the American dream come true?
We have our first full weekend event happening in two months. There are sheds to clean out and a barn to clean out. There is a greenhouse that needs a new roof and to be cleaned out so that we can grow our own flowers. There is a sidewalk that needs replacing and concrete that needs stamping. A certain little well house needs a new cedar shingle roof and a water pump that needs fixing. It’s bigger than me and I don’t know if I’ve over-promised and will under-deliver, or if a miracle is coming.
I feel like this is a story that will continue to be written by people like me, people who want to make a difference. I want to be at this keyboard in a week or two telling you all about how this is suddenly coming together. I want to tell you that everything is on track and we are sure to be a success. But it is bigger than me.
A project like this may be bigger than me. But it’s not bigger than compassion, than community, than love for a neighbor, and certainly not bigger than God. I’ve asked God for this opportunity but I really think he wants me to level up. It’s not just about taking my mind off of the things that were plaguing my mind. It’s about overcoming the thief of my joy. Perhaps it is about seeing that my pain and my sadness isn’t the only pain and sadness in the world. Perhaps through this journey I stop feeling like I will never be complete again. Perhaps it’s not just the project itself that is bigger than me. Perhaps the healing is, too.
Messpot Diaries 