Take It Apart and Fix It

I have a new fire pit that I bought myself for Christmas. It’s a tabletop pit that fits into the umbrella hole for the patio table. I had not pulled it out of the box but when I did, I quickly realized the table I had would not work with the set up. The small, one pound propane tank was intended to screw on to the bottom of the pit but my table had too small of a space underneath. I ended up having to get a new table so that I could use my fire pit. It was a worthy cause.

Or, so I thought. When I finally got the new table set up and put the fire pit together, I could not get it to ignite. I tried and tried but nothing worked. I assumed that it was because I’d gotten it on an after Christmas special. I was ready to give up. It was too good to be true.

But, I wasn’t ready to give up trying. I may not be able to fix it on my own but I knew a friend who could try to fix it. With a little extra tightening of the propane cylinder and a few loose wires, the fire pit came to life. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t just another waste of money, and thankful that it could be salvaged.

All it took to put things back into working order was a little time and effort. Sometimes we have to take things apart to really get to the root of the problem. When it’s ourselves that we’re working on, that’s a much harder job. Most of the time, folks don’t want to deal with us when we’re dealing with ourselves. It’s like we’ve got a truck engine on the dining room table with screws and bolts all over the place. Nobody wants to come to dinner with that in the way.

But self care is necessary. It’s not just something nice to have. I’ve been working on taking my own self apart and putting me back together. There’s no easy path for this journey. It’s all uphill, both ways. I’ve had to search within myself to find the strength to start anew. I’ve had to wrestle with self doubt, punch low self esteem in the belly, and kick fear in the teeth. I know I am not alone when I say I didn’t want to see the ugly part of this journey. Nobody wants to see the ugly side of growth, only the results when the phoenix rises from the ashes. I’ve shared my experiences through this process in the hopes that it can help someone else on their journey. The first thing that I learned, and probably one of the most painful, was that it’s a journey nobody but you can take. Most of it will be alone, too. But, the most magical thing that I’ve learned is that the darkest nights produce the brightest stars.