There are times in life when we have to do things for ourselves. We have to put the work in and wait for the results. Really, for our own happiness. We have to value that kind of happiness enough to make consistent steps toward that end result. It may sound selfish but if we don’t tend to our own hearts and minds, how can anyone else?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want for my life and my future. Don’t get me wrong, I love my career and the personal development I have achieved. But, there is a piece of me that has come to realize that life has to be more than striving for the next big thing.
I think many of us have been conditioned to believe that life is not well lived unless you have a lot of material things to show for it. Truly, we judge people by the cars they drive, the clothes they wear, or whatever materialistic objectification we choose. Rather than stockpiling items from Walmart that we will never use, or clothes from the mall that we will never wear, shouldn’t we be living in the moments that surround us? I’m on my patio right now, being harassed by a hornet that apparently thinks I’m its next meal. But, I’m also listening to the wind as it lifts the leaves in perfect harmony. I’m feeling the warmth of the sun as it struggles to come out from behind the clouds. Even in the heart of town, it feels like peace. Traffic hums by every now and then, trailers rattle as they hit the pothole down the street, and the privet hedges blooming make me want to hurl. But, this is living.
I worked so hard in my early 20’s to finish college, finish grad school, raise a family, and achieve success. I was so focused on the end goal that the simple art of living became a goal for somewhere in the distant future. Well, here I am, knocking on the door of my 50’s and I wonder when that day will come. I have to make a living to pay the bills but what I see for my future is hopefully a little less focused on the rat race and more on the art of living.
If I had a magic wand to be able to do anything, I would move to my favorite place on the planet, Port Saint Joe, Florida. I would find me a cute little bungalow not too far away from the water and plant beautiful native flowers all around. I would buy a boat big enough for charter fishing trips and I would get my captain’s license. My boat would be my weekend job where I would take anxious tourists out to chase bluefin or amberjack, yelling “fish on” every time their lines wiggled. I would catch enough red snapper to fill the biggest freezer and I would graciously ship some to my friends in Georgia. I would chase the Gulf sunsets every day, regardless of the season, and take pictures every single time. I would volunteer at the local food pantry and hospital. Perhaps I would even get up enough courage to join the local volunteer fire department.
This week, I’ve tried to put focus on making that dream a reality. It may not be anytime soon but I’m on a path to pay off my debt and be in a better position to pursue a simpler life. I don’t want the things that I always thought I did. Yes, I would love a brand new vehicle with tinted windows, and all the bells and whistles. I would love to buy a pretty new house with granite countertops and a big soaker tub. But I want happiness more than any material object.
Two and a half years ago, my pursuit was for peace. I have successfully achieved peace. Oh, and if you haven’t heard, it’s priceless. Priceless, but not free. Now, my pursuit is happiness. I thought that with peace would come happiness, and to some degree that is true. But, I’ve been so focused on trying to make it all happen at one time that I failed. It’s really not something that I can entirely control. God has a hand in it too, and it’s in HIS timing, not mine.
Early in this journey, my mind was a scrambled mess similar to a big tumbleweed. Everything was out of focus and off kilter. I was trying too hard on my own to make happiness. Oh, but that’s the secret most people won’t tell you. Happiness is not something that you can fabricate. It’s not something that you can make all on your own. Yes, you have to move in the right direction and make good decisions that support your end goal. But what I came to realize was this — the more I had my hands on it, the more it just seemed out of reach.
I had to step back and say, “God, you know the desires of my heart. You know the life that I want to live and the place where I want to live it. I don’t know when or how. Nothing short of a miracle will make it happen. But it’s yours now. And, I can’t wait to see You pull it all together.”
I’m here to tell you that I must be a highly favored child of God. It’s not a title I’ve earned by any means but I can attest to the fact that I’ve seen miracles in my life. I’ve seen things moving in my favor that I could never have imagined on my own. I can’t attribute it to anyone but God. When we are moving in the direction and the ways that God wants, we will see things come together in ways that just don’t even seem logical.
You have to want it for yourself first. God can’t make you want better for yourself. You have to do it for yourself. You have to sometimes step out on faith so big that it makes your knees tremble. Sometimes, you have to let go of the material things that you’ve held so dear so that you can have the happiness that makes you whole. I can tell you this — I’ve done a lot of things that scared me to death in the last two and a half years. Not things that were dangerous but things that I had to step out on faith to accomplish. Not once has God let me down. All my hope is in Jesus. When I relinquished the control, mountains began to move.
Maybe people think that I’m foolish and impulsive. Maybe I am. But I know this much — I won’t have regrets at the end of my life. I will have peace, happiness, and maybe eventually love. And, hopefully lots of memories of me that my friends and family will tell generations to come. Yeah, I did it for myself but God made it possible. It’s never too late to do it for yourself. You just have to have faith, let go, and let God do the rest.
Messpot Diaries 