When I think about the times in my life when I’ve been hurt the most by another person, it’s not the kind of person most people would imagine. It’s not a monster of a person, skulking around in the shadows ready to throw a crowbar into your forehead. No, in my experience it has been the people with plastered smiles and ready Bible verses. They’ve cursed my name and praised Jesus in almost the same breath. The contradiction has left me speechless, it’s made me even question my own faith. The blatant meanness is enough to scar the soul. But to know that the pain is inflicted by someone who is supposed to love you regardless is gut wrenching.
Lately, I’ve had to wrestle with this kind of situation. I’ve had to watch so-called Christians treat people like trash and, honestly, it has caused me to question my own faith. I’ve wondered if I’ve ever behaved like that. To be honest, I think we all have at some point or another. Whether intentional or not, somebody somewhere views us as the villain in their life because of how we acted.
For me, becoming more self aware is how I try to guard my words and actions. I’m already the perpetual over thinker, so I worry about words I’ve said quite a bit. We all have such differing perceptions of situations. Something that may seem like no big deal to one person may be terribly offensive to another person. How do you prevent people from getting hurt when you may not even be aware that your actions are offensive?
The reality is that we can’t be 100% sure that our actions are received in the spirit they were intended. Even well meaning words or actions can cut like knives. Because our hearts have been shaped by previous experiences, we tend to view the ways people treat us through that lens. Right or wrong, we perceive things the way history has taught us they meant.
What we may see as an intentional act to hurt, may not be formed in a spirit of hate. It’s rooted in things that have happened to that person and which have shaped them to become who they are. What we may see as hate is really hurt, or jealousy.
I listened to a pastor say that “people don’t talk when you’re doing nothing, only when you’re doing something.” If you’re living out loud and unapologetically, there will be haters. There will be people who see your light and want some of it but the only way in which they can get it is to snuff yours out. When I was in the midst of my tears this week, a wise friend gave me the best, yet hardest, advice and that was to pray for those people.
I don’t know where some people are on their walk with God. I see the exterior labels they’ve placed on themselves but only God knows their hearts. Only God knows their internal battles. And, only God can help them. No amount of me changing who I am to fit their mold will cure their heart. So what that tells me is that I cannot worry about their hate for me, only my love for God. My focus should be on making me the best version of me, and leaning on God to help all of us who are struggling. Whether we are struggling to be the example we should be or to forgive those who are not, we all need God in times like these.
The enemy seeks to divide those who follow God. If we are in division, if we are at odds with one another then the devil wins. The devil becomes the victor, not the person who’s trying to hurt us. The devil has, and always will be, the villain. If we give in to the earthly temptation to hurt others, to hurt those who hurt us, we then are the victims of our own sin.
When you are doing something great, when you are speaking truth when it’s not popular, when you are successful, when you are standing up for the downtrodden, there will always be critics. There will always be people, even those that by faith are supposed to love you, who will hurt you. They will wound you with their words and scar you with their actions. That’s their actions, however misguided. As mama would so often say, never let them change who you are. Oh but what a battle within my heart. I don’t understand when people act ugly, but as my best friend says, “and you never will.” I do know the victor of my battles and all of those to come. He is working on me right now and I pray he is working on those who’ve hurt people, whether knowingly or unknowingly. We are all works in progress and while the flesh may fail, there will always be victory in Jesus.
If you have Facebook, you can listen to the video I watched with the pastor’s wise words:
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1DxdhM7r1f/?mibextid=wwXIfr
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