Tilling the Soil

My Daddy always had a garden when I was growing up. It started off as a small garden but over the years he expanded it down towards the woods by our house. It eventually became two large gardens that intersected one another. Every spring and fall he would pull out his old Snapper walk behind tiller. He would walk every acre of the garden, tilling the soil. Sometimes I would see him out there struggling with the old temperamental tiller and sometimes, he would be sitting on the ground fiddling with the engine. He tended that soil with the tiller until the ground yielded a smooth, soft soil for planting. It wasn’t an easy task. The soil was sometimes hard and dry from the summer’s long heat, filled with gnarly roots. The tiller would get stuck and he would start snatching at it until he got it freed.

My Daddy didn’t grow up on a farm. He didn’t know much about gardens or growing vegetables when he started. He grew up in the middle of town, where he was surrounded by asphalt and buildings. The only thing my grandmother grew in her backyard were pomegranates. But, Daddy figured it out and by the time I grew up, he had a garden so large and fertile, he could grow anything. He would sometimes have white eggplants or purple bell peppers, as he loved to try his hand at something unique. Our kitchen counters were always full of vegetables in the summer. Tomatoes would be everywhere and mama would sometimes make homemade tomato sauce for canning.

I was thinking of that soil yesterday after a quick visit home. The soil is still and the tiller is rusted these days. Daddy has long since left this earth and is growing prize cucumbers in heaven these days. But, the tilling of that soil reminded me of how sometimes, we are the soil. We are tossed and tended, in a storm that seems to be disrupting us to the core. The tines of life can sometimes feel like swords. But then something so special begins to emerge. The seeds of hard work and perseverance begin to take hold. We see ourselves not in the storm but in the harvest. It can happen so quickly sometimes that we may not even know what is happening until we stop and look around.

The things that are sent to seemingly break us are the very things that fertilize our strength. It is rough when the world around us is tossed around, and we don’t know whether we’re coming or going. I know in my own life, things have happened without notice and without invitation. I’ve found myself so caught up in the dismay and the fury of the fight that I sometimes miss the message.

Recently, I’ve been going through a lot of storms. First, my marriage fell apart then I had to have colon surgery, and then my mama got sick and died. I’ve had people talking about me and telling their own narrative of my life, of what they think they know. I’ve lost friends that I thought would not abandon me. I’ve been lonely and I’ve cried out to God for directions to the mountain top. The tiller of life just kept coming and tossing the soil. I was so focused on the pain, of the trauma, of the unfairness of it all that I almost missed the lesson.

I haven’t really used strong as an adjective to describe myself. I’ve cried so much my eyes have dark circles that I hide with makeup. I’ve relied on the strength of others to help pull me through these last few years. But, I looked it up in the dictionary and saw one definition as, “able to withstand great force or pressure.” Holy moly. It’s an epiphany. I’ve been tossed by the tiller. I’ve been shifted around on ground that constantly seemed to move from under my feet. But, I’ve withstood.

The tomatoes didn’t plant themselves. They relied on the strength of the gardener to tend the soil, plant the roots deep, fertilize their growth, and water them when needed. The tomatoes relied on the strength of the gardener to bring them to the harvest. Sometimes we can’t make it all on our own. Sometimes we do need support from friends, or especially the heavenly gardener. All of the things that have happened, all of the things that I have worried about, have been happening for me. There is a song by Kierra Sheard titled It Keeps Happening, and in it the lyrics say, “It keeps happening to me, it keeps happening for me.” This is one of my favorite songs because it changes the perspective of disappointment and turns it into the perspective of thankfulness, no matter what is happening. The things that some people have meant to destroy me have really been the things that God has used for my good.

The soil didn’t cry out when the tiller tossed it around. It didn’t blow away with the wind and scatter itself across the earth. No, it withstood. With time, something beautiful began to happen and it’s happening for me, too. All of these things that have seemed to try to break me, all of the people who wanted to make me a villain, all of the sickness. This has happened for my good, and for my growth. Without it, I could not be emerging the best version of myself. I could not have the perspective of the things that have shaped me. God knew and He continues to know what is meant for my good. In the song Kierra Sheard sings, “God I thank You, I won’t complain, I’ll trust You.” God pushes us through experiences that shape us into purpose. His purpose, not our own. We would choose an easy path that would not prepare us to withstand.

After several recent trials, I had someone that I respect dearly tell me that sometimes when you are doing the right thing, you have a target on your back. It’s a target because sometimes the devil simply can’t stand that you’re doing what’s right even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s one thing to praise God when things are going well but it opens the halls of heaven when you praise God in the circumstance. God allows things to happen to see how we’re going to react. Are we ready for the blessing or do we still need the pain of the lesson? The song continues with this, “I accept your blessing. I trust You with my future. ‘Cause Your way of life is the best thing for me.”

When the soil is being tended, it is a blessing. It may not feel like a blessing but God loves you enough to prepare you for His goodness. You could not withstand the blessing, you could not appreciate the blessing if you had not been prepared for it. I accept that everything that has come into my life that was seemingly meant to break me has been anointed by God Almighty and is all a part of His plan. I praise Him for the battles, for the pain, and for the lesson. I know that whatever lies ahead of me is so great that God has had to work a long time to prepare me for His goodness. I accept the blessing, and I will let the gardener continue His work in me.