Wishing

I leave soon for a cruise that I’ve been planning for months. Mama was excited for me when I told her that I’d booked another cruise. She knew how much I love the beach and love to travel. I think she was almost as happy as me.

She knew I had booked a balcony room after getting an awesome discount. It’s the first time I’ve had a balcony room and I’m excited about the opportunity to see the ocean so up close and personal. The weather is supposed to be hot and humid. I don’t know how I feel about that but it’s summer in the Caribbean.

But I as I make the final arrangements for excursions and dinners, I wish I could call Mama and tell her about it. I wish I could send her text messages with photos of the cabana rentals. I wish she could see how prepared I am for the trip and how I’ve tried to think of every little detail. I have decorations for the rooms for my group of friends. I have glow in the dark necklaces and headbands for us that flash.

If there is one thing this year has taught me with certainty, it is that life ends. Sometimes abruptly, sometimes after a long battle. But it ends. There’s no “do over.”

I think the thing that resonates with me the most is how much I want to tell her something yet can’t. The message it sends me is to tell people things that matter to you. Even if it’s just mundane stuff. One day you will crave the opportunity to say something and you won’t be able to do it. If there’s something on your heart and mind that you want to tell someone, do it. Even if you’re scared, even if you think they won’t care. You just don’t know when the time will run out. It’s easy to make excuses and procrastinate. But it’s hard when all you’re left with is wishing.