Alabama Yard Sales

Have you ever been to a post-Pandemic Alabama yard sale? If not, you are truly missing out. It’s like going on a post-apocalyptic tour of a redneck landfill but with price tags. I have never seen so many dusty, smut covered dishes from 1970 in all my life. If you’re in the market for some moldy Florsheim’s that looked like they were worn while Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker were still on television, you’re in luck. They probably still have granddaddy’s callous dust still in the corners.

I was expecting to see some good antiques at this large multi-state yard sale but they were few and far between. The closest that we came to seeing quality antiques was in a store where I once saw a ceramic “sperm bank.” Sadly, it was no longer there so I had to walk away empty handed. Well, almost empty handed. I bought an old cookbook and a pink flamingo lunch cooler.

It didn’t take long to tire of the Alabama yard sales since we weren’t exactly in the market for some dust. My best find of the day was an antique glass bowl in a pretty avocado green for a whopping $3. All of the adventure made me thirsty so we found a nice new liquor store. The thing about me and liquor stores is that I like to go in and look to see the different brands they carry, like there is some mystique about Alabama liquor stores. As we were walking through, my friend who mainly drinks wine pointed out a big jug of ready made margaritas. I told her that should be criminal since margaritas should be made with the precise tequila and other quality ingredients. She seemed a little deflated and left me to my awestruck search for a new bourbon. It didn’t take long for me to find “the one.” I knew it had to be pretty good because it was on a top shelf with a top shelf price tag. It was a deep shade of amber, not too light and not too dark. The bottle was pretty so that really put it into the top choices. But it was the name that had me sold, Chicken Cock. I’m sure there are stores all over the country that sell this but it somehow seemed more fitting that I was in Alabama. After all, it was just up the road at the Collinsville Flea Market where you could buy chickens, roosters, goats, and even dentures. Chicken Cock bourbon whiskey had to be the selection as a nod to the famous flea market. No other one would do.

I have to admit that Chicken Cock was good. It was smooth and sweet with just a little bite at the end. My cousin had the audacity to suggest that it sort of had an aftertaste of Fireball. I hadn’t drank Fireball since 1998 and I hoped I never would again. There was no way my fancy bourbon tasted like Fireball. This was my cousin John, who some of you remember in one of my earlier posts as the cousin who told on me for stealing after we were pretend married. He proceeded to tell me that nothing could beat George Dickel and I just let him have that delusion. Bless his snitching heart.

Since we were tired from all of the yard sales, we went back to my aunt’s place on Lake Weiss. It’s a beautiful lake tucked away in the hills of north Alabama. Fishermen flock to the area because it once claimed that it was the crappie capital of the world. I don’t know about the crappie capital but I do know this is the same lake I swam in and could have sworn I was nibbled on by a fish with teeth several summers ago. Regardless of whether or not it has an official title, the lake is absolutely gorgeous and I don’t know if I was dreaming, but it seemed more beautiful than I remembered. I had not been to visit since before the pandemic so perhaps I’d just forgotten how green the water was or how serene sitting on the deck overlooking the water felt. I soaked it in like it was a battery for my soul.

It was just what I needed. I went for the tradition of the 411 Yard Sale but I came home with so much more. I hadn’t seen my aunt since Easter. Easter, y’all. She’s 83 and time keeps on passing. There’s no sense in not seizing the moment and going to the lake when she sends the invitation. How can I say no to an Alabama yard sale, or an antique store where you can buy a “sperm bank,” or a liquor store where you can buy Chicken Cock? The weather is getting cooler and soon she will have it winterized. But there is beauty in every season there. The best of which is spending quality time with my precious family.