Mama never had a sister, only two brothers. She was the baby of the family and raised around rough and tumble boys. They were much older when she was born so she grew up following in the footsteps of her dad and brothers, learning things like the mechanical workings of tools. These were things that little girls in the 1940’s and 1950’s were rarely taught. But, she learned how to run a saw with the best of them. Those skills helped her build her floral business and if she could dream it, she could build it.
My Uncle Milford met and married his bride, Ruby, when Mama was a teenager. I saw a picture of Mama at the wedding and she sure looked mad. If I had to guess, she was worried about losing her brother and having to welcome a stranger in to the family. That, or she just has a way with her mean mug. Photos are no exception, even now.
I grew up very close to my Aunt Ruby and Uncle Milford. Aunt Ruby was like my second mom. I had never been to the movies until Aunt Ruby took me to see E.T. She and Mama have always been close, too. I can remember we would rotate weekends either being in LaGrange, where Ruby lives, at the house on the backwaters, or at our house in Columbus. We were always together doing something or going somewhere. Every Christmas until I was about 14, we would have our Christmas Day lunch at Mama’s house then we would pile more people than practical in one of their station wagons to hit the road to Tampa to visit my Uncle James. We would pack boxes of fudge, divinity, and everything else you can think of that would make children car sick. Primarily me. I was always the one that ate so much sweet stuff that I could have turned into a sugar lump. Each year, Mama and Aunt Ruby would somehow scrape together enough money and coupons to take us to Disney World.
One year, Arby’s was running a special on roast beef sandwiches and rather than spend money in Disney World on food, we bought what seemed like a hundred thousand of them. That was back when you had to sneak outside food inside. As a child, I worried we’d be going to Disney jail for bringing those sandwiches inside. Nannie was with us that year, as were the big pocket books that Aunt Ruby had given us for Christmas. We stuffed those bags with the sandwiches and hooked the bags to the back of Nannie’s wheelchair. Let’s just say that Arby’s sandwiches that have been beaten on the back of a wheelchair for several hours are not the most appetizing. Nannie even warned us after that about ever giving her another Arby’s sandwich again as long as she lived.
Another time, we were at Disney World and after a long day at the parks, we were starving. Aunt Ruby had a coupon for dinner at the Black Angus Steakhouse; a place normally off limits for our budget. Nannie was tired, and as a result, she was stumbling just a little bit as we walked in. A lady at the bar was singing, “How Much Is That Doggie in the Window,” and Nannie looked like she had been drinking enough to go sing with her. She was just dog-tired and wanted supper. Mama and Aunt Ruby worked to figure out what we could get with our coupons. They brought our our salads then brought out some sorbet, but Nannie thought they’d found the worst coupon ever. She thought the meal was just a salad and some ice cream. Mama had to tell her that the sorbet was just to cleanse the palate before the real meal.
Our trips to Disney World slowed down after Nannie and Uncle James died, but that didn’t stop Mama and Aunt Ruby from finding somewhere else to go. They went to Biloxi to the casino, they went to North Alabama to the flea market, they went to the beach. They’ve been thick as sisters my whole life. Shortly after Daddy was diagnosed with his second bout with cancer, Aunt Ruby started a battle of her own with cancer. Through Daddy’s sickness, Aunt Ruby never wavered in her support of Mama when she needed her. We were all doing the best that we could fighting battles with health. My Daddy told them that he wanted to make the best of the time he had left, so they traveled when they felt like it. They lived it up until the very end when Daddy had to leave us.
Aunt Ruby fought cancer and won. Her will to live overcame the darkness and she has thrived. She has a place on the lake in North Alabama where she spends a bunch of her time when the weather cooperates. Her and Mama have sometimes just gone up there on their own to spend a few days looking at the lake. Aunt Ruby and Mama are also always up for a beach trip, and they rarely miss an opportunity to head down to Mexico Beach, Florida. They love to take their fishing poles, tackle boxes, and head down to the Canal where they throw a line in the water. One year, they accidentally snagged a boat and almost got cussed out by the boat captain. Those of you who know my Mama know that the boat captain was in for it once she started in on him. Needless to say, the boat went on about its way without much fuss after they learned what a hellcat Mama can be when the situation warrants it.
These two ladies have been through thick, thin, and everywhere in between together. They taught me the true meaning of family and how to love. Aunt Ruby was never an outsider in our family. She was never Mama’s sister in law. Mama introduces her as her sister in love; a place of honor in her life with a bond that I believe would rival any blood relative siblings alive. Mama has the tenacity and Aunt Ruby has the gentle. They are yin and yang in a world plagued with families fussing and fighting. Our family was so cohesive, I had a hard time understanding as a child that Aunt Ruby and Mama weren’t really sisters. When you see the two of them together these days, you can’t help but see two ladies who chose to be sisters. They were never in a competition, never spoke badly of each other, and they never chose to see the bumps in the road as life shattering.
When Mama went for her biopsy in Macon on Friday, Aunt Ruby showed up to be with her. She got her daughter in law to drive her two hours from her home to be with Mama, and with me. She chose to get up early and not miss it for the world, and even pushed her in the wheelchair to the outpatient area where we were getting the test done. Friends, surround yourself with people in your life that show up for you like you’re giving away free money. Find your friends and family that love you not just in the best of times, but also the worst of times. Get the people who can laugh with you when the tears seem so much easier than the laughter. In this life, if you live long enough, you’ll know that there is no amount of money or fake friends that will sustain you. Keep the ones that will push you in the wheelchair, down an unfamiliar hallway to a scary destination with an unknown future. That, my friends, is why I surround myself with sisters (and brothers) by choice.
Messpot Diaries 